[17 Dec 2009|12:21am] demonatrixkitti [ mood | calm ] For the past two weeks i've found myself caught up in little addictive things that just let me pass the time. When i was ready to stop procrastinating, i found my way into a second addictive path. The difference is that it's actually useful to me. All of the delving into personality types and traits, along with the forums and ventrilo, have helped my mind feel less erratic. I can assess the type i apparently am and see what fits. For me, that is relieving. My type, specifically, is prone to being very intense and that can turn into being very isolated (or feeling very isolated). ENFJ's are prone to focusing more intently on what is going on with other people as opposed to problem solving for themselves.. and can still manage to feel alone when around others. These things are all so apparent to me and it's nice to know that it encompasses a lot of other traits and that there are other people who are messy little packages of a lot of the same. While these things are good to know, they'll do nothing for me if they aren't understood and utilized. If i find myself isolated? Analyze it and determine if i am being too intense or closed off from others. If i focus too much on others? Take a step back and a breath to begin evaluating and focusing inwardly. If i feel alone in social situations? Either accept it or make myself relevant. Basically what i gather from all of this typing is that i am an underdeveloped ENFJ. I have a lot of potential for good and i see the path to reach that potential, but i am not yet walking it. Even that is a bit off base. I've been walking a sub-path for a while now, but there's a larger and more direct path in sight. Anyway, the past 3 days have been teetering on that line between getting sucked in even deeper and doing nothing or actually utilizing what motivation and understanding i gain. Tomorrow morning begins the utilization and i am trying to keep even more positive or more self-understood than i have been. It's good. I need to be up to par because this is helping me to recognize the possibilities. I've also realized that this is my livejournal and i quite honestly can't give a fuck about what people do and don't gather from it. This is where i sort myself out and obtain my personal growth. I won't hesitate in here anymore like i feel i have been. It's not who i am, nor who i want to be. That's another thing that i need to determine- other people may have my focus and my concern, but i refuse to let them have control over my actions if that control fails to benefit me. I'm contemplating a lot of future concepts and it's all very interesting and it does rely on other people as well as myself, but the thing that i am accepting is what may benefit me. I feel that's the way i'm going to consider things while i'm not up to par. It's a bad combination otherwise. Blahdiblah. 'Dry your eyes. Life is sweet.' All of that jazz. Be well kids. I have faith in all of you, of course. 1 comment|post comment

.ENFJ. [13 Dec 2009|07:33pm] demonatrixkitti [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | Regina Spektor - Machine ] I've been sucked away from here thanks to my mind and my curiosities. It was actually nagging at me to come and share because of what i've been up to lately. Briefly, i'll update on life things before i jump into the rest of it. My room is getting cleaned, but slowly. Tomorrow i need to wake up earlier and prioritize. I'm feeling far better about determining my priorities and actually getting to them. I had a fantastic conversation a few nights back with Deb about people and motivation. We're going to help fuel each other and i think we disclosed a lot of good things to make that an actuality. Home has been getting a few things done regarding Christmas. We have a tree now and it is standing, nakedly, beside me. I haven't even thought about Christmas shopping.. though i know it's necessary for family. I feel like i've been helping out a little bit more, but not too much. I should. Rather, i will. Jim came by the other night and we sat outside and BSed for a while. I'll admit this now because i don't like things staying in my head when i reconsider them. There was a month where i felt adversely toward him (you, sorry) because of a negative outlook. It wasn't all him though. I got to a point where i felt very constricted and was isolating myself by not being open. It turned into agitation and, looking back on it, i feel like i was being a complete ass. I've had a bit of trouble in my life with evaluating my situations with others and taking too long to rectify them. There were times where i would go years without opening up directly and then spent years not reconciling when i found the fault. I've reeled that in a lot even though it's still apparent. Anyway. Here is where some of you can completely stop paying attention or continue on (assuming you didn't stop already, but what-the-fuck ever :p) I've been looking into personality types a lot lately. MBTI, to be specific. I know that i took a test or few over the years and paid it no mind at all, but Cali-Matt has been immersed in it and suggesting i take a peek and go to a forum he is on since i started talking to him. I finally gave in and took a better look. The basics that i've gathered from my type of ENFJ is that they tend to be caring and helpful people who are often very intense. They derive their contentment through their interactions with others, something they put a lot of stock into. They are social creatures hellbent on bringing out the potential they see in others and they have a strong common knowledge of them. Obviously it is more in-depth and with technical terms, but i can't wrap my mind around all of that just yet. The full read-out makes sense to me as how i am/how i can inevitably be. I've taken a few other tests that resulted in ENFP so i proceeded to read a bit on that and then the differences between "J" and "P". I share a lot in the realm of ENFP, as well, but i'm not sure if it is my basis. I think it is just a secondary to the actuality of being ENFJ. Yes, i know. Personality type blather. I can't say it will stop here, but it fascinates me. I've spoken with a few ENFJ's already who have shared many of the same feelings and experiences as i have. It fits in a number of ways and it's interesting to see where the people i know could be in the mix and why. It's also good for me because i've needed to determine the commonalities and differences in myself and others who are potentially like me. This is cocky, but of course i'm still a 'special snowflake'. Things of this nature can help me to pinpoint why/why not. God this is a long post. Sorry to your friend pages. I need to remember to keep up in here though. The forums have really helped my motivation with certain things and a bit more understanding of me and my need to catalog myself. I'm not sure if my sporadic 'omfg so much nonsense!' is coming across in here, but it's also because tonight is the Dexter finale! Dexter! Finale! I am both excited and saddened, but it's mixed in with all of this typing mumbo jumbo. It might be making something awful :p. That's all. Be well, kids! post comment

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